Nah, actuaaally… I’m enjoying this far too much to stop for the day.
Bit of a breakthrough, you see. And I’ll tell you why.
For many weeks I have wanted to start a blog, and at times came as close (omg) as almost hitting the registration button(!), but somehow a reason not to go ahead came up: a username not ‘cool’ enough, a domain name not memorable enough, not having any groundbreaking worldly knowledge stored in my moderately-sized skull to eloquently dissect on this blog (breathe), the fear of having – and not having – an audience…
I can hear you rolling your eyes. (Yes, I can; how dare you doubt my powers?)
I am one of the one in five Australians fighting anxiety and depression, a staggering statistic of a mental disorder I have only recently come to realise I have been living with for a while – a tad too long, as many people do. But it’s not easy, you lose mental control of yourself and become your worst enemy while trying to be your best friend to survive your own personal attacks, ultimately creating a lose-lose cycle of self-sabotage and destruction. I could write a book personifying Depression, but wow would that be unnerving. I can already see him hovering over some poor fellow, playing with his borrowed scythe (he and Death are good mates, not so surprisingly) and poking ‘playfully’ at one of his many victims – not too roughly at first… but just you wait… the problem with this bastard is, he is annoyingly persistent – if you let him break you.
So not as invincible as Death as one would think. There is hope. Thank fuck.
My lovely psychologist challenged me today to write, despite myself. Not much, but she continued to up the ante. I am still coming to terms with the deliberate typo approach. It does not sit well with me. She knows it. She winz. I gives in.
It was just enough to make me realise:
- I don’t need a cool user name to write. Blogs are not temperature based.
- I actually have an awesome bouncing wireless keyboard that is a delight to the fingers as they skip along the black and white keys. Sensual. I am currently stretched out like a cat – max flexibility. Yay simply pleasures.
- I have no reason to postpone. Absolutely none.
Didn’t even have the time to kick myself in the butt to get going; before I knew it I had created an account, and are my fingers on auto-pilot? I think they might just be. Stop the press, she’s writing again. Ahar, ahar.
Finally after all this time I have produced what I can say is the most I have written in a while. I have missed it. I could dance right now.
I am also coming to realise that … in the end it really doesn’t matter. It’s a blog, you won’t die. It’s writing, you did this when you were a kid. And if it’s crap writing? Well… you won’t die with that either.
What about you? Ever felt like you had forgotten how to do something you once loved even when it was second nature to you? Why do you think that was? What were you telling yourself? Were you doing yourself any favours?
Feel free to drop us a line – always up for stimulating conversations. Don’t take that pun too far, now.
I’ve started a new project. We’ll see how this baby grows.